Keepin' It Classy

Social Networking Etiquette: A List

1.       Think About What You Say Online—Everyone sees what you put on Facebook

a.       And I’m not talking about your drunken photos from the frat party last weekend (though as a general rule, you probably shouldn’t post your weed pipes and drunken sluttiness). What I mean is, be careful who you’re talking about and how explicit you are when doing so. Just because you post some comment about Betty on Sandy’s wall doesn’t mean no one else will see it. The Facebook Stalker News Feed will ensure that not only your intended recipient sees it, but at least 44% of your mutual friends will as well. And that’s not including the people that visit Sandy’s page to stalk write on her wall. Talking shit online is not classy, and remember, folks, the goal here is to (say it with me now…) keep it classy. Now, if you absolutely must say something, and you can’t refrain from doing so, it is best to be as vague as possible while still getting your point across. Creating nicknames and inside jokes is the best move you can make here, that way you can say whatever you need to get off your chest and no one is the wiser as to who you’re talking about.

b.      Second thing… Your status (and Twitter) is not your diary. No one wants to read your emo tweets 19 times a day about how no one understands you and the world is full of shallow emptiness. Write a sad poem about it in your journal and move on: side bangs and the “woe is me” attitude belong in grade ten and your old Xanga account.

c.       Don’t expect your privacy to be respected online. Anything you say and any picture you appear in can and will be used against you. Your statuses, wall posts, tweets, profile pictures and groups you join will be open forum for discussion, gossip, and judgment from your peers. If I already don’t like you, anything you post is fair game for scrutiny and provides me with further reason to judge you.

2.       Pictures of You and Your Boyfriend Are Only Cute the First 6 Times. Max.

a.       Seriously.

b.      No, really. Entire photo albums dedicated to your domestic bliss are gag-worthy and unnecessary. It looks like you’re fishing for “OMG you guys are SO CUTE together!!” comments. And the rest of us will roll our eyes and say “Wow, really?”

3.       No one (no one!) Cares About Every Move You Make During the Day.

a.       Now I’m aware that the purpose of statuses and tweeting is to let people know what you’re up to, but come on. Save the updates for noteworthy events. Over-tweeting is never okay, and blowing up people’s News Feeds and Twitter Timelines is annoying to the max.

4.       Not to Sound Like a Broken Record… But Please Check for Grammar.

a.       There’s a Facebook group called “I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar.” And it’s true. It’s not cute, it’s lazy. Yes, I know I’ve ranted about this subject before, but it’s one of my favorites to cover because I’m a little fascinated with this ‘phenomenon’ since I’m an English major and I find a weird kind of beauty in words and writing…. But I digress. Typos happen to all of us, but let’s not make the same mistakes over and over again, okay? It makes things hard to read and consequently makes me care less about what you have to say.

5.       Begging Via the Internet Isn’t Alright More Than a Few Times

a.       Sometimes situations are dire and you need a favor, and sometimes your closest friends simply aren’t able to help you. In these cases it is acceptable to ask for favors via your status or Twitter. However, do not, I repeat, do not take advantage of people’s generosity. It gets really old, really quickly, and makes you seem needy and also like you have no friends of your own. It also comes off as a cry for attention, which some people who are nicer than myself will respond to and try to help. As for the rest of us cynical, judgmental people, we will sit back and laugh at your ridiculousness.

Keeping these things in mind while you (along with nearly every other college and high school student in the country) spend hours a day on Facebook or Twitter (or even MySpace, if you’re still into that). Remember that the internet is public domain, and anything you do online creates a reputation for yourself and snapshot look at your life. What you post online determines how people see you. You could be a pretty cool person who happens to, say, tweet every 45 minutes about the inane occurrences of your day. That’s your prerogative if you absolutely want the world to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times; but know that for people our age, perception is reality. So if your Facebook makes you seem lame… you probably are.

Until next time!